I Miss Being The Mistress

There’s just something about people who’re already committed into a marriage.  First thing is that, they’ve allowed themselves to get married.  Not so many could have taken the plunge like that nowadays, with the numerous options in living life.  One can definitely get by just being single, to engage in a relationship and disengage when it has become too uncomfortable.  And yet these people have chosen to get married.  Unbelievable.  Single people do not yet REALLY know how it is to commit.  And perhaps, I just want to have a peek at what makes a married person tick.

Second, most married people have matured, in terms of sex, emotions, and social.  I’d really hate to date a Mama’s boy.  But a married guy/woman can hold up his own, has his own mind and can speak it effectively.  The problem with single people is that, most of the time, they’re selfish.  A married person has mastered or is considerably mastering the art of relationships.  That definitely intrigues me.

And now, by missing being a mistress, I did not really mean I wanted to be one again.

I just miss that man who knew how to make me feel so taken cared of, that every time I see him I do not need to worry if I’m doing the right thing or not, of needing to make appearances as expected by society because we hide from it.  I miss the man who can make love to me as if I’m a whore, but at the same time, a woman he regaled and respect.  I miss that man whom I could talk to about anything and everything, with no worry that he’ll be bored or offended.  I miss that man whom I do not see as much as I would have been expected to want to but whose presence everytime can make me go soaring high and make me feel as he I’m the most desirable and most beautiful woman in the world without being perfect. 

It was the perfect, flaw-filled relationship I’ve ever had.  But I ended it because I gave in to the pull of what is to be called The Society’s Pull. 

And guess what?  It all become more desirable because I can never have it.

To You, Who is an Ass

Fuckinlord!  I’ve never encountered an asshole worse than you.  In as much as I would like to think you’re one of the nicest persons around (allegedly)because of the significant number of our fellows swearing that you are nice and that because, initially, you’re nice to me, I’ve just got more than enough evidence now to believe that you aren’t nice at all but rather, one effing pathetic poser.  Niceness can be a facade and I know, deep inside, you’re just one of the garden-variety asses that abound the world today.  You’re just a jerk who feels that he’s one cool dude simply because he’s friends with people who’re looked up to as cool.  And now you think I’m stalking you just because of my frequent visits to your online abode?  Fuckinlord, grow up!

As I understand, we do all have our evil phases.  But I also understand that it’s when people get placed in bad, tricky situations that they most surely show their true colors.  I believe I’ve just seen your true colors.  

A Reminder

In a way, this is another book to fill.  I step into my new personae, but it is the same life.

I thought I do not care.  And yet, I do.  But it saddens me, all the same.  

I treasure the opportunity for variety, the adventure, and the artistry.  But, at the same time, I wish to let go.  Just floating in space and simply become an existing, breathing, sensual piece of a human being.

This will be my sanctuary…a hiding place when I’m tired of dancing the ocho-ocho just because the world expects me to.